Surprisingly, perfectionists are often procrastinators, as they can tend to think “I don’t have the right skills or resources to do this perfectly now, so I won’t do it at all.”
THEORIES ABOUT THE UNIVERSE
I am trying to see things in perspective.
My dog wants a bite of my peanut butter
chocolate chip bagel. I know she cannot
have this, because chocolate makes dogs
very sick. My dog does not understand this.
She pouts and wraps herself around my leg
like a scarf and purrs and tries to convince me
to give her just a tiny bit. When I do not give in,
she eventually gives up and lays in the corner,
under the piano, drooping and sad. I hope the
universe has my best interest in mind like I have
my dogs. When I want something with my whole
being, and the universe withholds it from me,
I hope the universe thinks to herself: "Silly girl.
She thinks this is what she wants, but she
does not understand how it will hurt.
The Opposite end of traditional “street harassment”: the girl who never get’s cat called
In feminist spaces I see a lot of feminists complain about being street harassed. I read about it and I totally sympathize with their experiences, even though I have never experienced them myself. I am a female myself but am not conventionally attractive. I am not hideous but more or less a plain jane. On top of that I have ALWAYS valued comfort over style, so dressing feminine isn’t something I do on a regular basis. I wear a lot of loose jeans and T-shirts. But yeah, anyway, know that I am not trying to play “who has it harder” or anything but rather I am making this to share my experiences of getting the opposite end of the shit-covered stick that is street harassment that I don’t see being mentioned. I call it street dismissal.
When I say street dismissal I am talking about men who feel the need to subtly announce that unattractive women are not worthy of respect or acknowledgement because they are not a conventionally attractive female or their fellow man.
Some examples I’ve personally experienced include:
- Many guys at parties will arrive or leave, give all the men handshakes, give the attractive women hugs, but won’t even make eye contact with me. I am not a guy or a hot girl so I don’t exist.
- I’ve been bumped into in public without an apology by men. I am not an attractive girl or your fellow man, so it makes sense for you to not even notice I am there.
- One time I was walking behind a group of attractive women. A guy spotted us. Opened the door for the three women and shut the door in my face. I am not worthy of his time because I am not attractive.
- I once was charged a cover on ladies night because I went out to the bar in my work uniform. (red shirt khaki pants)
- Another time at a bar, I saw an open space to order a drink. The guy sitting next to me saw me, raised his eyebrows and turned the other way to make sure I don’t DARE try to talk to him. (Because I totally went there to hit on him and NOT get a drink right?)
- I once went with my gay male friend to a straight guys house he knew. The first thing out of the straight guy’s mouth was “I was totally excited when you had a chick with you. Nevermind!” the whole night he offered my friend drinks and didn’t offer me a thing and seemed frustrated when I asked where the bathroom was. The only other thing he said that night was “do you have any hot single friends that would come over here?”
- Another time I went with a female friend of mine to get drinks. We met up with her guy friend. He ordered a round of beers for everyone except me. His excuse was “he didn’t know she was going to bring someone along and he is low on money” that was until his guy friend from high school showed up unexpectedly and he quickly bought him a drink.
These are just examples that have happened to me. So my question is are there any other “unattractive” girls out there that experience things similar to this?
I just wanted to speak from the other perspective. We always hear the horror stories of sexism from the perspective of the women who are objectified by men in the sense of “oo I want that.” and not too many in the sense of “oo, ew DO NOT WANT”
This may seem like a big long rant that looks like “WAH PRETTY GIRLS GET THINGS AND I DON’T OH MY LIFE SUCKS” but I don’t mean to come off that way. Because I feel the need to mention that guys don’t do this just to get laid. This is where it’s important to bring up the fact that we are treated with less respect than other men. Men aren’t decent people to other men because they want to fuck them. They are decent to them because they see them as equals that deserve basic respect and acknowledgement. But we are women and to these men either you try to fuck them because they are hot or want them to go away. An unattractive woman has no purpose to him.
Misogyny affects all women negatively.
THIS IS IMPORTANTAs a woman who gained a lot of weight right out of high-school and spent 3 years in ill fitting clothes and various terrible haircuts, then lost the weight in her early twenties and drastically refined her look — I have lived both sides of this equation. And I think having experienced the dismissal makes it all the more glaringly obvious how hollow the so called “positive” attention really is.
Plus, as a society that women get harassed and cat called and all various other forms of irritation, girls that don’t get that start to wonder what’s wrong with them. Not that you even want to be hit on inappropriately or harassed on the street but when you just get overlooked by 99% of the male population for the people you hang out with, you start to wonder why they get hit on in front of you and you’re always left alone. I consider myself lucky now to have gone so long without the harassment but for a long time I really wondered if I just wasn’t pretty enough for any guy because all my friends always complained about having to turn guys down and attempt to not get hit on and no guy ever did that to me.
"Men aren’t decent people to other men because they want to fuck them. They are decent to them because they see them as equals that deserve basic respect and acknowledgement. But we are women and to these men either you try to fuck them because they are hot or want them to go away. An unattractive woman has no purpose to him.
Misogyny affects all women negatively.”
This is important.
I’ve been on both sides of the equation too, I have been harrassed by several men at a time while walking alone on the streets, I’ve been followed by these men and I have tried to confront them only to have them make me feel like I’m overreacting, and people around me would walk and do nothing about it. Leaving me completely powerless because what I say doesn’t matter, because they’re just “giving me a compliment”.
Yesterday I got called “ugly” and “jealous of my friend” because some guy was telling her how pretty she was, “look at me”, in a tone that clearly said something else, and I told him to stop. He looked at me completely offended as is he was doing nothing wrong. I told him that was not the way to saying that, that he was coming out as slimy and he started saying that I was just jealous because I was ugly and I didn’t get men tell me things on the street.
I grabbed my friend and left feeling so frustrated because there was no way my words could have made that man understand that street harrassment is not a fucking compliment, and that I was not jealous, I was indignant and feeling sorry for him.
So it’s 3AM and It’s just occurred to me that the most telling scene in the entire Harry Potter franchise is the scene following the announcement of the participants of the Triwizard tournament.
When Harry’s name is pulled out of the cup, literally one of the first things he is asked is “did you ask an older boy to put your name in the cup for you?" or something to that effect, insinuating that, that was something nobody prepared for and that it was something that totally would have worked if anyone had been smart enough to figure it out.
However, in an earlier scene a student is turned into a hundred year old man when they try to artificially age themselves with a potion and put their name into the cup. Meaning someone trying to dangerously age themselves with potion they aren’t familiar with was something the teachers genuinely considered to be more likely than someone asking for fucking help from another student.
In other words, the wizards in Harry Potter’s world are so reliant on magic that it doesn’t occur to anyone save for people like Harry that asking for help is even an option in a given situation. This explains why wizards are so fucking ass-backwards at everything, they’re so confident that their magic is capable of doing everything for them that it has never occurred to fucking anyone that perhaps asking for help from the muggle world might be of some use.
Think about it, the wizarding world hasn’t changed in hundreds of years while in that same space of time the muggle world has figured out fucking space travel. I know it’s a cliché to say to say someone could have fucking shot Voldemort, but seriously, somebody totally fucking could have, he killed like 50 people, he was effectively a terrorist, if anyone in the wizarding world bothered to ask for help from the muggles instead of just telling them there was an invisible asshole flying around shooting death curses at everyone, they may have been able to help.
Pretty much the only reason Voldermort thinks he’s better than muggles is because he’s able to kill them with impunity using magic, something he’s only able to do so easily because muggles don’t understand what magic is. Voldemort is basically like a fucking disease, he’s an invisible, lurking entity preying on mankind from the shadows like a cowardly piece of shit. You know what else did that? Smallpox and we stomped that to death the second we understood it. That’s the difference between muggles and wizards, when muggles don’t understand something, they figure it out.
And here’s the kicker, the only reason muggles don’t understand magic at all is because the wizarding world deliberately withholds information about it. However, even if the wizarding world kept doing that, it’d only be a matter of time until a muggle figured out what magic was and how to stop or harness it because that’s what humanity does, it pushes past what we think is impossible to see what’s on the other side. We didn’t understand the sun as a species originally and now we use it to power satellites and smartphones.
The wizarding world isn’t a realm of infinite possibilities, it’s a universe of strict limitations where boundaries are never questioned. The muggle world is where the real magic happens. That’s why during the course of the Harry Potter books, which are set between 1991 and 1998, the muggle world (our world) discovered dark matter, cloned a sheep and invented fucking MP3s while the wizarding world were literally paying some dipshit to figure out what the purpose of a rubber duck was.
Wow, I really shouldn’t think about this stuff when it’s like 3AM, it gets kind of dark.
This is SO great, but it went in a completely different (and less dark) direction from where I thought it would:
"Meaning someone trying to dangerously age themselves with potion they aren’t familiar with was something the teachers genuinely considered to be more likely than someone asking for fucking help from another student."
…yeah, that’s pretty telling. Think about that for a second. Think about the kind of toxic climate Hogwarts - and the British Wizarding World in general - must be, if “having an older friend you can trust" is an idea so out of left-field that even Dumbledore wouldn’t have prepared for it.
If my hypothetical kids got Hogwarts letters, I’m not sure I’d want to send preteens to that sort of school.
Hey, so I was wondering if you could talk a little bit about why the "dads scaring away daughter's dates with a shotgun" idea is sexist. It's always left me feeling a bit icky, but I can't quite explain why. Thoughts?
Ohohoho- that notion is SO fucking sexist its repulsive.
I reblogged a quote the other day that expresses how I feel about this pretty dead on:
“There’s a strategy behind talking about young women as out-of-control girls gone wild or innocent damsels in distress. If we’re no more than sluts or victims, then it’s reasonable for society to make our decisions for us.
For those young women who are considered victims or potential victims, like the purity princess or the young, white, suburban girls whose parents live in fear of internet stalkers and the corrupting influence of MTV, a “Daddy knows best” paternalism is omnipresent. Whether it manifests itself in the form of forcing girls to take virginity pledges and go to purity balls, or even is propagated by a casual joke when parents laugh about how they’re going to have to lock their teen daughter away until she’s twenty-one, the idea that these young women need protection spreads perpetually." (x)
I am not saying that parents shouldn’t look out for their children or in anyway not help guide them and protect them into adulthood. I am saying that the double-standard that is perpetuated by society; that young girls are either out of control “whores”, or damsels in distress, with little room in between is fucked up and godawful.
I despise the notion that fathers are going to shoot with a gun (What is it with men and guns? It’s gotta be a territorial super violent stand in for their dicks, right?) all potential ~prospects~, until the little virginal ceramic princess finds “the one” which will then win the fathers approval and she will ceremonially be walked down the isle to be given up to another man. (Another practice that I abhor and will never take part in as I am not livestock handed down from man to man.)
The patriarchal bullshit that intense paternalism is heroic is incorrect, and bad for society as a whole.